the inspired family

striving.  looking ahead, while working very, very hard to stay right here and now.  last night i was all over monday… meaning, i would have been happy to see the universe jump off its tracks for one short twenty four hour period and move us all to tuesday… until today, that is.  today, monday, where there was nothing miraculous.  nothing earth shattering. it was just a day.

but after taking some stock of our circumstances, the verdict came in as pretty damn good considering, and things are moving in the right direction. on a day like today, a plain old, largely uneventful, monday, it’s something to be able to see the wonderful now.  and even better to know- just effing know- that there’s more wonderful to come.

i suppose on a monday it certainly helps when you get to look forward to baby girl primped, blushed and tutu’d for her first ever dance recital… perfection in a sprig of pink tulle.  edible perfection, i say.

up a half hour earlier than even my usual early.  welcoming kittens.

-20. icy clear skies.  a blue unlike any other.  snowy peaks, honed chisels, reaching for the sky.  cold, clear rocky mountain beauty.

a tiny space heater.  target slippers. coffee(!) and a hunk of fibrous wonder strewn with an occasional chocolately surprise … thank you dr. weil.

yoga in peace and quiet… in a tidy, clean little room, warmed with a little gas fire.  sun salutations. filling my lungs.  emptying my head. sweating.  moving.  lengthening.

a good school morning.  charlotte’s web. bone.

lentil soup.  hand-knit scarves.  striped gloves.  a hard, brisk walk with my beast… a tennis ball as yet unchewed.  connecting in a good, solid kick.  the beast sliding on her arse in bliss and snow after said tennis ball!

a hot bubble bath. entertainment weekly.

little girls, pink and sweet in trails of candy floss, dancing… precariously balancing large plastic snowflakes upon tiny heads.

rotisserie chicken.  fresh tortillas. jalapeno peppers. roma tomatoes. queso.  the stuff of life…

setting goals.  looking forward.  feeling confident.

an early night.

power is in organization… and while i may not be a creature of much structure, when it comes to being organized, i’m pretty durned good.  i love an organized, tidy space.  i’m a big believer in one’s surroundings offering many an insight into the depths of one’s mental, emotional and spiritual health.

that isn’t to say that i’m always organized. heavens no.  in fact, it was only last month that i dug out this little hovel of an office… to everyone’s benefit… as this is now a space that nourishes me.  when i emerge i am- usually!?- at peace.

that is, until i take a quick gander at how the rest of the place has gone to the shitter.

but as of today, and for the forseeable next few days, this house is one of tidy organization… a place for everything and everything in its place.  a process, i must add that i hate more than cleaning itself.  unless i’m willing to shed the stuff… purge… it’s a downright demoralizing endeavor trying to find places for the heaps and piles that grow from every possible surface.  cranky, cranky, cranky.  oh yes.

but that’s done… and as of tomorrow, each of our little rooms in this tiny, cottage house will not only be tidy and for the most part organized, but also lemon scented, shiny and clean.

this day… despite my intermittent tantrums, lectures and, ummmm… threats… is a wonderful one as i move about this space and there are no piles threatening to topple over and smother me.

here’s to a house on the way to being tidy and clean.  a new floor moppy thing-a-ma-jig to entice me in the morning, courtesy of my ever helpful mother, perhaps sensing i was in need of some inspiration in this particular arena….

homemade alfredo sauce… butter, parmesan cheese… it’s what i’m sure must run from the faucets in heaven.

cheques in the mail… receiving, not sending.

fairly consistent summer bookings… deposits are a beautiful thing.

a thickly lip-glossed pucker.  bum warmer in the form of a ball of kittens in my office chair.

ideas.  skills.  partnership.

pressure.  increasing discomfort.  fear.  concepts i’ve historically avoided… now finding them an interesting, exciting component to this game called extending one’s boundaries… encouraging change… and moving toward achievement.

oh, and given the progress made on our tiny little homefront, i can’t close without giving thanks to thanksgiving itself.  without it, i wouldn’t be anticipating company the day after tomorrow… my house would be nowhere near clean and i would be near taking up permanent residence, along with my dog and kittens, in the 8X10 space that is the tidy, tranquil room i call my office.

tidy, clean and organized just feel more like home….

it’s a summer, and soon to be autumn, that has passed for this 2009 and with all of the photos i’ve shot of the kids, not a one that could be considered a contender for this year’s all-important christmas card… until today.  under the promise of  warming up with hot chocolate and treats at our local coffee shop, i was able to drag the brood off to a favourite portrait location in hopes of a suitable kid portrait for the .

one would think that as a professional i’d have a glut of possibilities. not so.  if anything, this gang can be less amenable out of sheer boredom with having a lens in their faces!  in fact, i have more food chewing, nose-picking, just plain bad attitude shots than any parent- even photographer parent- deserves!

but, despite having to be bribed, everybody totally got into it and mission was accomplished, adding to a pretty durned great day…

energetic practice- hot, sweaty, long… head to knees- yeah, ba-byyy!!

vanilla soy latte, hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and checkers.

less breeze, more sun.

fun with ol’ bessy and my minions- doesn’t get much better for a mid-november afternoon.

a happy client from the weekend… and a subsequent happy referral from happy client booked for next weekend- whooot!

time alone with baby girl… tutus… little girl’s size 11 dance slippers.

the big head of a honey beast resting in my lap asking for loves.

a pinch of time to sneak off for parent/teacher interview… with hubby. ahem.

two boys old enough to be trusted to clean the kitchen alone… and slightly fewer bowls used than yesterday- progress?

these wonderful, unusual, november days are striking in their warmth, clear blue and beauty… a typical november would leave us yearning to see the sun after days, if not weeks, socked in under clouds, perpetually hanging on the mountains, low and deep into our fair valley.  maybe even wishing for snow so as to break the grey monotony…

but this week has been a november unlike any in recent memory.  for bessy and i, this spell of unique conditions has inspired a fresh companionship.  as wedding season came to somewhat of a close, it was a partnership tired and a little cranky… now after a couple of weeks rest from one another, we come together replenished, eager.

and more often in these past days, this time with her is simply a meditation.  and without doubt, a gift.

the surreal continues though with a focus on the wonders of each day… it becomes something of a game.  the excitement of ‘what good things will come today?’

and knowing they will.

less, ‘how are we going to make this work’, and more, ‘what will i do today to make this work?‘

and answers come.  learning the difference between passive… and proactive.

a day of:

great coffee- twice! huge, gooey date sqares (half of which i will lust after until i enjoy it with tomorrows great coffee- holllllaaaaa!!)

morning pages.  bessy.  blue sky. the playground.

yoga… a practice renewed.

work… without a doubt, work.  independent, self-employed, creating my own destiny/designing a life kind of work….

another one opens. yes…  little doors. some even tiny, alice in wonderland doors, curiouser and curiouser, but doors nonetheless.

and open they do…

with fresh inspiration. ideas.  hope.  to be followed closely, and with haste, by inspired action… after all, what is it the gurus say these days, “the universe loves speed!”

well, we’re working under that principle… as we make sure to appreciate the happy, little, occurences that dot our days, keeping us buoyed and moving forward.

a steady flow of fun ideas…  the talents and abilities to see that they evolve beyond mere conversation…

frosty pink lip gloss on sweet, bee-stung, five-year-old lips… voluntary hugs from my boys.

mid-day snow and afternoons, warm and clear… the blue skies of mid-autumn, fluffy clouds, early sunsets, long shadows.  bessy.  lightroom.  wordpress.  android.

a mid-week day of rest and having nowhere to be… an afternoon snooze.  schedules working themselves out.  $100 in the lotto… wtf?!  hello goat cheese and propane for the bbq!

an early pizza night.

eager for more doors… big and small.

Doorknob: D’ooooh!
Alice: Oh! I beg your pardon…
Doorknob: Quite all right, but you did give me quite a turn.
Alice: You see, I was chasing this…
Doorknob: Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? Since one good turn deserves another, what can I do for you?

battling fear. working hard to embrace not knowing. working harder to embrace surrender. working to be at peace with uncertainty.  knowing that i ought not be making this so much work!

my renewed enthusiasm for yoga is encouraging. exciting.  invigorating.  affirming.

my renewed enthusiasm for bread… not so much.

this is a navigation.  through vast, unknown waters… and briefly at times, vast, suffocating darkness.

i catch myself wishing there was a way to turn back.  but to where, exactly?  the familiar… in all of its cranky, miserable, stressed out comfort?  that path is so close to overgrown it’s almost impassable.

we’ve taken the leap… the only direction is forward.  wherever that leads us….

oh please… enough debbie downer.  go see tracey… she’s having pie for heaven’s sake!

the interesting thing about getting work… when i’ve been so looking forward to work… is pricing my work.  first inclination is to under-price… under-promising… so i can blow socks off.  but then i’m often left working for next to nothing.  as things are way busy right now and i’ve got a lot of things on the go… despite valley budgets these days, i’m contemplating proposing high- actually making money- this time around, given the scope of the project…  with a lighthearted, take it or leave it attitude.

this tuesday… recovered kittens, clear, sunny mornings, lively local osprey, tony’s- fresh calamari and tzatziki! coca-cola,  purple… easy to install laminate flooring… so you think you can dance- canada, dancin’ kids to watch with me… the boat… time.

today… it’s all about working hard to stay the course, trying hard not to succumb to impatience. impatience quickly (d)evolving into discouragement. blues.  though for the first time, truly moving in the right direction, but feeling… that things should all fall into place… right now.

no. along with intention… there’s readiness. preparation. growth.  many components- pieces of the puzzle- fitting snugly together.  all happening as it’s supposed to on the path. staying the course.  maintaining focus.

open.  gentle. consistent.  keeping judgement at bay.

on this cool saturday evening… warm afternoon sun, cold water, j.crew khakis, my sofa, a supportive ‘fan’ of a husband, long-haired, energetic, healthy kids, kittens safe and sound, quiet early mornings… hot, strong coffee… a good wedge.  great neighbors, neighborhood… fresh air.

the babe may be only 10 and a 1/2, but he is full of wisdom beyond his years.  he has informed me that our (his parents) lives are lacking balance… all work and no family time.

as work-at-home parents, we sort of take for granted that family time is all the time, being so available.  not so to those who are really keeping track.

our lives need balance… and he went to the trouble to list those areas falling by the wayside.  game night.  beach.  hikes. SCHOOL.  yoga. baking.

his first suggestion: unplug from screens.

like i said wisdom.

so as i bring today to a close…  a welcome sick day.  cooperative youngsters who know when mummy is in need.  cooperative youngsters who know what mummy needs (popcorn!)…  work caught up.  water.  tacos.  a carpenter friend to offer advice. a husband who knows his way around a kitchen…

and a (not-so) little voice to speak up and put things plainly in perspective….

things happen for a reason… even if that means up all night with one’s head unexplainably hanging over a small garbage bin… yacking! but…

…as I say, things happen for a reason, and a day of rest was probably necessary.

the creative juices, while being encouraged to flow freely, have also been challenged like never before…

so, again, a day of rest was probably necessary.

i’m enjoying this day, and looking forward to getting out again tonight, camera in hand to see what i can see.  i’m feeling better… a child old enough to run to pick up a pepsi (nearest shop doesn’t sell coke?!)… premium plus… my sofa… a blow-y, blustery, hazy day that allows for lounging on said sofa without guilt… kittens to snuggle… sock puppets… comic books… a fort of weeds… a husband, understanding… a little time to replenish the pot….