the inspired family

striving.  looking ahead, while working very, very hard to stay right here and now.  last night i was all over monday… meaning, i would have been happy to see the universe jump off its tracks for one short twenty four hour period and move us all to tuesday… until today, that is.  today, monday, where there was nothing miraculous.  nothing earth shattering. it was just a day.

but after taking some stock of our circumstances, the verdict came in as pretty damn good considering, and things are moving in the right direction. on a day like today, a plain old, largely uneventful, monday, it’s something to be able to see the wonderful now.  and even better to know- just effing know- that there’s more wonderful to come.

i suppose on a monday it certainly helps when you get to look forward to baby girl primped, blushed and tutu’d for her first ever dance recital… perfection in a sprig of pink tulle.  edible perfection, i say.

up a half hour earlier than even my usual early.  welcoming kittens.

-20. icy clear skies.  a blue unlike any other.  snowy peaks, honed chisels, reaching for the sky.  cold, clear rocky mountain beauty.

a tiny space heater.  target slippers. coffee(!) and a hunk of fibrous wonder strewn with an occasional chocolately surprise … thank you dr. weil.

yoga in peace and quiet… in a tidy, clean little room, warmed with a little gas fire.  sun salutations. filling my lungs.  emptying my head. sweating.  moving.  lengthening.

a good school morning.  charlotte’s web. bone.

lentil soup.  hand-knit scarves.  striped gloves.  a hard, brisk walk with my beast… a tennis ball as yet unchewed.  connecting in a good, solid kick.  the beast sliding on her arse in bliss and snow after said tennis ball!

a hot bubble bath. entertainment weekly.

little girls, pink and sweet in trails of candy floss, dancing… precariously balancing large plastic snowflakes upon tiny heads.

rotisserie chicken.  fresh tortillas. jalapeno peppers. roma tomatoes. queso.  the stuff of life…

setting goals.  looking forward.  feeling confident.

an early night.

i’m staying this wind-y course… posting this morning as last night was a festive evening of holiday cheer and networking with our little, local business community.  can you spell, f-r-e-e-m-u-n-c-h-i-e-s?!

anywho… a little overwhelmed as i weigh the opportunities crossing my path.

in this strange recessionary world, it seems that exposure has become the new currency.  i’m all about link-y love.  i’m all about increasing traffic.  i get the importance of ‘branding’.  i am all about eyeballs… maybe not here, but certainly elsewhere.  oh, and elsewhere… and to a lesser degree, elsewhere.

it’s a brave, new world… but so very retro, when you consider this devolution, ‘back to the future’… to this, a virtual, barter system.

so, continue to weigh i shall… considering seriously how much work i’m prepared to do for mere eyeballs to support and grow my virtual presence while trying to cover my flesh-and-bones ass and my brick-and mortar mortgage and bills!

so on this morning… following a nice evening out… this (ahem… yesterday):

gerry’s mocha, no question.  thick and frothy with the necessary kick.  oh, and… thick. whipped. cream. ’nuff said!

opportunities, in all their varied shapes, sizes and expectations.  they keep coming, locally and from afar.

baby girl’s look of pure joy, in her tutu and tights- and perfect little shoes- as she flits, leaps and runs in anticipation of ballet class…

that my body speaks.  tells me i need yoga.  i had been listening… just not this week.

brisk walks with me ‘oney!  solid kicks of a tennis ball. ipod… cold play, shakira, talking heads.

a techie hubby that can pull a quick, reliable fix when i crash.

a relaxed school day.

clear sky after days of low cloud. sharp, snowy peaks.

deposits!  internet banking.  the sypathetic gal at the hardware store counter.

boys. chats with boys.  hugs from boys.

health.

equity.

slippers.

my beanie toque.

hot bath. bubbles.

tomato soup. premium plus in whole wheat.

a full tank of gas.

a crazy, supportive husband who believes in me.

a child old enough to babysit.

time to sit alone with gerry’s mocha.  the $4.50 to buy said mocha.

until tomorrow… i mean, tonight.

on the heels of a restless night… reading obama’s book in the wee hours trying to quiet the hebejeebies… i found myself in a pretty good state of mind.  opportunities arise.  they linger a little… and then move on, perhaps not what i thought they were.  keeping in mind the tale of the old farmer and his son and the power in maintaining a “maybe” state of mind.

so today…  i chose mellow.  chose not to worry.  after something of a grey mood of yesterday -apparently annoying to those in any proximity- and fighting off my bogey men in the deep, darkness of last night, this day was a good one.

on many days, like this one, when i choose presence rather than worry, i enjoy the wonder of what might come each day.  seems something always does, in one way or another.

so, today… no snooze.  minimized the junk food- taking a meat and cheese hiatus.  needing yoga, but finding it hard to squeeze in since company.  things are busy in the wake of the holiday. class on thursday which should get me back in the saddle… but that’s thursday.

today:  a client’s exuberance.  the word ‘pickle’.  honey- sesame bars. left-overs. gravy.

freckles benign, requiring merely a dab of acid.  load. off!  my friendly new doctor lady.

junk box of bills, invoices, receipts, statements, etc! filed away and ready to go to accountant- dad!  tying up loose ends.

sigh.  a day with tied loose ends… choosing mellow… choosing presence.  and a client’s exuberance.  a darn good day.

like almost everyone following this most holiday of american weekends, i’m thoroughly exhausted.

it was a great few days and there was none of the scrutiny- at least obvious(!)- of our choices over these recent months that i was anticipating.  there was no rationalizing… no defending.  in fact, i do believe our sense of ease with our situation said everything for us.  as a result the only scrutiny came about as we considered our need to eat… again.

and so, on this sunday evening, what lies ahead is quite the busy week. we’ll try to reign things back in to some semblance of normal before the rest of the holiday season grabs us by the seat of the pants, hootin’ and a-hollerin’ until if finally lets us go with a big “whump” new years day.

and so, on this sunday evening, thoughts that take me down to bed…

a great few days with happy kids, plenty of fun, my best turkey dinner. leftovers… supper will almost cook itself tomorrow night.

time to ourselves last night with company on their way and children sleeping over at nan and pops.  a big, satisfying sigh.

the warm, creamy goodness of hot cheese fondue oozing from crusty bread.  spicy meats.

elf.  love actually.

opportunities. setting my terms… and sticking to them.

or so it seems some days…

like dear honey pictured here, somedays i find it’s as though i’m actually waiting for something to happen.  not exactly proactive particularly on the heels of a night disturbed by dreams of blatant fiscal irresponsibility… and monkeys.  not exactly a good omen.

but the sense of restless waiting continues and I, like my dear dog, find myself in that waiting place… waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a yes or no or waiting for their hair to grow or… how ’bout just waiting for the ol’ lady to take me for a friggin’ walk!  or in the case of the ol’  lady, waiting for that nice nigerian prince to come through with 3.5 million pounds he promised her in that  email last week!  please, if there’s one thing that drives me crazy is a nigerian prince promising to deposit close to 10 million canadian dollars in my account and then jamming on me.  it’s a matter of integrity after all….

anywhooo… i digress.  dear honey’s waiting did actually pay off today…in a walk in spitting snow with mother nature working her darndest to make us a blizzard.

dogs do joy better than just about anyone.  it’s as though the beast levitates as i take those first promising steps down the stairs off the deck.  for a very sturdy lab-rottie cross, she’s remarkably nimble, the way she writhes with sheer glee in mid-air.  dogs do joy… enviably. i wish to leap while writhing when i’m joyful.  perhaps i might.

today, the simply note- rather than writhe- worthy…

fresh oatmeal cookie(s!) with my kick in the ass this morning.  dozy company at 5:15… the sounds of babar from the darkness beyond my office walls.

conversation with representatives of local developers… and the chance to not only hold my own, but call them out.

my joyful dog… and a neighbour home ’sick’ to share a walk in mother nature’s windy tantrum.

ham sandwich.  warm car and magazines for all, waiting for kids at piano lessons.  old mcdonald had a farm and jolly old saint nick.  a whiff of a first recital!

salt & vinegar chips.  coca-cola.  images ready for clients… ahead of schedule.

inquiries.  usually mean work.

pizza night: fresh chopped garlic, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, onions, mushrooms, goat cheese and a touch of grated parmesan and extra-old cheddar… i laugh in the face of h1n1- heh heh.

the office.  30 rock.  the unofficial beginning of our weekend.  bed, beckoning… and a new book… of negroes.  everyone who’s read it has raved.  sometimes i just love a sure thing.

waiting… while doing.

dr. seuss.

happy for tuesday… mondays can just sometimes suck and it’s hard to squeeze out the gratitude… so i just didn’t try.  tucked boys to bed, curled up the girl child with me and fell asleep with a good book.   yesterday… tired, cranky and getting bearings for a new week.

today, a little more on track.  not really digging the down days and wondering, even though nothing tangible changes from one day to the next, what and where is the shift?  hormones?  sleep?  pizza?  I don’t know, but i’d really love the bouts of empowerment, excitement and joy to stick around a little longer.

but, really, a day like today is just fine.  productive.  pretty positive.  taking time for the kids.

oh, and windy.  i’m not much for wind.  just ask my dog… she’s about had it with my skimping on the walks.  i feel guilty every time i pass her eyes gazing at me with needy expectation from the doggy-bed.

but, be that as it may… this day:

while not one for the record books, a day of mostly :

coffee… oh, heavenly hot orgasm in a cup!  ginger snap(s!). morning quiet.

a solid series of  sun salutations I and II, throwing in a glorious dancing warrior… and then letting that be all for today.  listening.  surrender.  the feeling of my back on the floor in savasana… hard but so very welcome.

a morning of solid schoolwork… with all three kids individually!  little or no drama.  cooperation. organization.  lame attempts at fibs- these kids are painfully- comically- transparent.

images.  words.

daddy taking a much-needed break to ruthlessly dominate the world in risk- you can take the boy out of america….

girl child’s gift for mimicry.  belly laughs!  unicorn puzzles.  match game.

possibilities.

edited to add:  kids love tilapia of all things.  the meditation that is washing dishes.  the gentle lure of my bed, which will host story time in less than one short hour.  so you think you can dance- and I do so, but it’s over two hours away, which in my early bird gets the worm world might as well be midnight.

may come down a little….

or am i simply bi-polar?  the emotional ups and downs offer a better ride than even the circumstances themselves.

relied on an old vice… thank you coca-cola!  enjoyed a new one for today: chicken taquitos… yes, out of a box.  this will teach me to neglect yoga practice in the morning.  missing a good dose of precious endorphins.

anywhoooo… this is about what is, not what isn’t, yes?  and what is- and was- on this a friday… the 13th:

early morning hugs from girl child.  luv, luv, luv fresh early morning kid smell.

i’ve said it before and given it’s only the middle of november it’s pretty likely i’ll mention it many times to come, the itty bitty space heater that warms my office and my heart at 4:30 in the morning.  sirius… and  howard stern- please don’t judge… it’s 4:30 in the morning!

zen shorts, specifically the old farmer and his crazy, clumsy and freakishly blessed son… the word ‘maybe’.

afternoon snooze with girl child.  the happy sounds of boys tearing up the playroom…

that there’s a ‘bi’ in bi-polar… i can’t really imagine spending all my time at either end.

bessy and i work for money tomorrow…

what i “get to do” as opposed to what i “have to do”… it’s a much longer, more fulfilling, list.

weekend, hell-llloooo!

one moment you think you’ve got everything by the proverbial tail, and the next, well… you don’t.

i couldn’t help but laugh over dishes tonight as i considered either, 1. we’re incredibly daring and adventurous, throwing caution and conformity to the wind in this grand experiment…; or 2.  we’re so out to lunch naive it’s positively frigging scary.

but then i stared around my kitchen, the bestest time of day kitchen: dimly lit and freshly cleaned with the reassuring hum of the dishwasher; and rested in knowing that all really is well with our world… regardless whether ours was one of daring adventure or dumb-ass naivete!

with each lemon-scented breath, it all mattered less and less.  because today was just another pretty darn good day, ebbs and all:

as always a good shot of  kick ass tops the days little wonders.  my cookie… kid smell, fresh from sleep, especially when it comes with morning hugs.

another butt-early morning… the best.  my space heater.  my tidy little office, warmed up to sweat lodge proportions.  my laptop… with sirius radio.

mountain sunrise welcomed with yoga. yoga. yoga!!

finishing school module units.  whoot!  a gas fireplace in the schoolroom.  school actually being done in the schoolroom… with little prodding!  funny spelling mistakes.

my urbane and genteel husband’s excitement with today’s accomplishment… his first deer  (honestly, it’s like we’re stepping back in time… considering killing one of the neighbouring wild turkeys for american thanksgiving… erk.)

my honey.  taking time to walk my honey.  her unadultrated  joy the moment we started for the door.

my beanie toque.  tomato soup and crackers.

warm, sunny november afternoons.  stroll with camera on warm, sunny november afternoons.  the lake.

booking a gig for the weekend… that actually works with our swim meet schedule.

health.  a team.  many, many cans in the pantry… oh, and the promise of fresh venison, of course!

we are over two months into this leap of faith into determining our own destiny:  new, unfamiliar, scary… committed to making our living in ways that run true to our values and those things about our life which we deem vitally important… such as homeschooling our three kids, time with family and fulfilling, life and creativity affirming endeavors.

during a recession….

it’s a choice of considerable uncertainty.  some days are bad.  both of us overwhelmed with what we feel we might not actually be able to accomplish.

but more and more, as with this wonder of a day, we’re wrapping our heads and spirits around an attitude of calm.  there seems to be an underlying sense of ‘OK’ taking hold.  a feeling that, despite the bouts of fear and anxiety, we’re on the right path.

i’m guessing this is what ‘faith’ feels like.

today… warm kittens in my warm, warm office first thing in the morning(4:30?!?).  my freshly painted office.

coffee.  my morning cookie.

yoga.  yoga.  yoga!

guiding kids in meditation… even better, kids following guided meditation.  a clean kitchen.  fresh pumpkin muffins.  prime rib burgers.  caesar salad with fresh croutons.  the serenity that is november.

and … i booked another gig for next summer.  a neighbor called to offer a bit of work for now.

i chose a peaceful state of mind today.  chose and embraced.  to everyone’s benefit.

let’s try it again tomorrow, shall we?

i came across some of our images from summer as I perused files for family photobook… and with the clouds hanging low in the valley for the better part of the week… this is where i found my happy place.
space heaters are a remarkable invention… early mornings and yoga are that much easier with a blast of hot air on the tootsies!

kittens love space heaters too… i am the most popular of human companions.

gratitude… or perhaps denial… keeps things joyously afloat as we settle into the uncertainty.  it’s two months embracing the unknown, while moving forward into that which we know… all is- and will continue to be- well.

reminding ourselves this is what it is to design a life rather than just merely live one.