the inspired family

i feel very disconnected when i’m out and about all over town… or the valley really.

particularly disconnected, funnily enough, when i’m out and about all by myself.  this was just one of those days where, between yoga, coffee out with yoga friend and errands, I feel a little behind the eight ball on the home front.  laundry mounts.  school gets partially done.  i end up unwound and undone from a fantastic yoga class only to find my brains scattered and rattling about my brain when it comes to the practicalities of the day.  i suppose, in a good, kind of fun, “wow, mum, we have to be at piano in ten minutes, get your shit together” sort of way… i’m paraphrasing by the way.

the role of coffee in my life is beginning to concern me.  it, along with butter tarts and date squares is morphing into a kind of life-line.  most often it’s just my early, squirrelly morning jolt… but lately it’s been a mid-afternoon latte… jerry’s for mocha- go hard on the whip, will ya?!-  in the evening.  i am clearly enjoying some regular caffeination.

a visit from my friendly j.w. lady this afternoon.  i indulge just because… i’m eager to know what drives her to dedicate a life largely to rejection… curious to what’s feeding that degree of faith.  she’s nice company… british, well-travelled, smart and articulate- resembling very little of the j.w’s i’ve encountered in the past- and she never scolds when i haven’t done the required reading.  a little stimulating debate in the afternoon.  what can i say… it’s a small town!

yoga is the highlight today.  shoulders opened .  hips, too.  frog.  variations of tree.  variations of pigeon. savasana.

bank deposit.  homemade butter tart.  a blue dog mocha… with whip.

pizza night… jalapenos, goat cheese, mushrooms, fresh garlic. favourite meal of the week… until tomorrow.

anion pads.  friggin’ heaven in a sanitary pad!

on the heels of a restless night… reading obama’s book in the wee hours trying to quiet the hebejeebies… i found myself in a pretty good state of mind.  opportunities arise.  they linger a little… and then move on, perhaps not what i thought they were.  keeping in mind the tale of the old farmer and his son and the power in maintaining a “maybe” state of mind.

so today…  i chose mellow.  chose not to worry.  after something of a grey mood of yesterday -apparently annoying to those in any proximity- and fighting off my bogey men in the deep, darkness of last night, this day was a good one.

on many days, like this one, when i choose presence rather than worry, i enjoy the wonder of what might come each day.  seems something always does, in one way or another.

so, today… no snooze.  minimized the junk food- taking a meat and cheese hiatus.  needing yoga, but finding it hard to squeeze in since company.  things are busy in the wake of the holiday. class on thursday which should get me back in the saddle… but that’s thursday.

today:  a client’s exuberance.  the word ‘pickle’.  honey- sesame bars. left-overs. gravy.

freckles benign, requiring merely a dab of acid.  load. off!  my friendly new doctor lady.

junk box of bills, invoices, receipts, statements, etc! filed away and ready to go to accountant- dad!  tying up loose ends.

sigh.  a day with tied loose ends… choosing mellow… choosing presence.  and a client’s exuberance.  a darn good day.

or so it seems some days…

like dear honey pictured here, somedays i find it’s as though i’m actually waiting for something to happen.  not exactly proactive particularly on the heels of a night disturbed by dreams of blatant fiscal irresponsibility… and monkeys.  not exactly a good omen.

but the sense of restless waiting continues and I, like my dear dog, find myself in that waiting place… waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a yes or no or waiting for their hair to grow or… how ’bout just waiting for the ol’ lady to take me for a friggin’ walk!  or in the case of the ol’  lady, waiting for that nice nigerian prince to come through with 3.5 million pounds he promised her in that  email last week!  please, if there’s one thing that drives me crazy is a nigerian prince promising to deposit close to 10 million canadian dollars in my account and then jamming on me.  it’s a matter of integrity after all….

anywhooo… i digress.  dear honey’s waiting did actually pay off today…in a walk in spitting snow with mother nature working her darndest to make us a blizzard.

dogs do joy better than just about anyone.  it’s as though the beast levitates as i take those first promising steps down the stairs off the deck.  for a very sturdy lab-rottie cross, she’s remarkably nimble, the way she writhes with sheer glee in mid-air.  dogs do joy… enviably. i wish to leap while writhing when i’m joyful.  perhaps i might.

today, the simply note- rather than writhe- worthy…

fresh oatmeal cookie(s!) with my kick in the ass this morning.  dozy company at 5:15… the sounds of babar from the darkness beyond my office walls.

conversation with representatives of local developers… and the chance to not only hold my own, but call them out.

my joyful dog… and a neighbour home ’sick’ to share a walk in mother nature’s windy tantrum.

ham sandwich.  warm car and magazines for all, waiting for kids at piano lessons.  old mcdonald had a farm and jolly old saint nick.  a whiff of a first recital!

salt & vinegar chips.  coca-cola.  images ready for clients… ahead of schedule.

inquiries.  usually mean work.

pizza night: fresh chopped garlic, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, onions, mushrooms, goat cheese and a touch of grated parmesan and extra-old cheddar… i laugh in the face of h1n1- heh heh.

the office.  30 rock.  the unofficial beginning of our weekend.  bed, beckoning… and a new book… of negroes.  everyone who’s read it has raved.  sometimes i just love a sure thing.

waiting… while doing.

dr. seuss.

it’s a summer, and soon to be autumn, that has passed for this 2009 and with all of the photos i’ve shot of the kids, not a one that could be considered a contender for this year’s all-important christmas card… until today.  under the promise of  warming up with hot chocolate and treats at our local coffee shop, i was able to drag the brood off to a favourite portrait location in hopes of a suitable kid portrait for the .

one would think that as a professional i’d have a glut of possibilities. not so.  if anything, this gang can be less amenable out of sheer boredom with having a lens in their faces!  in fact, i have more food chewing, nose-picking, just plain bad attitude shots than any parent- even photographer parent- deserves!

but, despite having to be bribed, everybody totally got into it and mission was accomplished, adding to a pretty durned great day…

energetic practice- hot, sweaty, long… head to knees- yeah, ba-byyy!!

vanilla soy latte, hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and checkers.

less breeze, more sun.

fun with ol’ bessy and my minions- doesn’t get much better for a mid-november afternoon.

a happy client from the weekend… and a subsequent happy referral from happy client booked for next weekend- whooot!

time alone with baby girl… tutus… little girl’s size 11 dance slippers.

the big head of a honey beast resting in my lap asking for loves.

a pinch of time to sneak off for parent/teacher interview… with hubby. ahem.

two boys old enough to be trusted to clean the kitchen alone… and slightly fewer bowls used than yesterday- progress?

happy for tuesday… mondays can just sometimes suck and it’s hard to squeeze out the gratitude… so i just didn’t try.  tucked boys to bed, curled up the girl child with me and fell asleep with a good book.   yesterday… tired, cranky and getting bearings for a new week.

today, a little more on track.  not really digging the down days and wondering, even though nothing tangible changes from one day to the next, what and where is the shift?  hormones?  sleep?  pizza?  I don’t know, but i’d really love the bouts of empowerment, excitement and joy to stick around a little longer.

but, really, a day like today is just fine.  productive.  pretty positive.  taking time for the kids.

oh, and windy.  i’m not much for wind.  just ask my dog… she’s about had it with my skimping on the walks.  i feel guilty every time i pass her eyes gazing at me with needy expectation from the doggy-bed.

but, be that as it may… this day:

while not one for the record books, a day of mostly :

coffee… oh, heavenly hot orgasm in a cup!  ginger snap(s!). morning quiet.

a solid series of  sun salutations I and II, throwing in a glorious dancing warrior… and then letting that be all for today.  listening.  surrender.  the feeling of my back on the floor in savasana… hard but so very welcome.

a morning of solid schoolwork… with all three kids individually!  little or no drama.  cooperation. organization.  lame attempts at fibs- these kids are painfully- comically- transparent.

images.  words.

daddy taking a much-needed break to ruthlessly dominate the world in risk- you can take the boy out of america….

girl child’s gift for mimicry.  belly laughs!  unicorn puzzles.  match game.

possibilities.

edited to add:  kids love tilapia of all things.  the meditation that is washing dishes.  the gentle lure of my bed, which will host story time in less than one short hour.  so you think you can dance- and I do so, but it’s over two hours away, which in my early bird gets the worm world might as well be midnight.

we are over two months into this leap of faith into determining our own destiny:  new, unfamiliar, scary… committed to making our living in ways that run true to our values and those things about our life which we deem vitally important… such as homeschooling our three kids, time with family and fulfilling, life and creativity affirming endeavors.

during a recession….

it’s a choice of considerable uncertainty.  some days are bad.  both of us overwhelmed with what we feel we might not actually be able to accomplish.

but more and more, as with this wonder of a day, we’re wrapping our heads and spirits around an attitude of calm.  there seems to be an underlying sense of ‘OK’ taking hold.  a feeling that, despite the bouts of fear and anxiety, we’re on the right path.

i’m guessing this is what ‘faith’ feels like.

today… warm kittens in my warm, warm office first thing in the morning(4:30?!?).  my freshly painted office.

coffee.  my morning cookie.

yoga.  yoga.  yoga!

guiding kids in meditation… even better, kids following guided meditation.  a clean kitchen.  fresh pumpkin muffins.  prime rib burgers.  caesar salad with fresh croutons.  the serenity that is november.

and … i booked another gig for next summer.  a neighbor called to offer a bit of work for now.

i chose a peaceful state of mind today.  chose and embraced.  to everyone’s benefit.

let’s try it again tomorrow, shall we?

i came across some of our images from summer as I perused files for family photobook… and with the clouds hanging low in the valley for the better part of the week… this is where i found my happy place.
space heaters are a remarkable invention… early mornings and yoga are that much easier with a blast of hot air on the tootsies!

kittens love space heaters too… i am the most popular of human companions.

gratitude… or perhaps denial… keeps things joyously afloat as we settle into the uncertainty.  it’s two months embracing the unknown, while moving forward into that which we know… all is- and will continue to be- well.

reminding ourselves this is what it is to design a life rather than just merely live one.

the babe may be only 10 and a 1/2, but he is full of wisdom beyond his years.  he has informed me that our (his parents) lives are lacking balance… all work and no family time.

as work-at-home parents, we sort of take for granted that family time is all the time, being so available.  not so to those who are really keeping track.

our lives need balance… and he went to the trouble to list those areas falling by the wayside.  game night.  beach.  hikes. SCHOOL.  yoga. baking.

his first suggestion: unplug from screens.

like i said wisdom.

so as i bring today to a close…  a welcome sick day.  cooperative youngsters who know when mummy is in need.  cooperative youngsters who know what mummy needs (popcorn!)…  work caught up.  water.  tacos.  a carpenter friend to offer advice. a husband who knows his way around a kitchen…

and a (not-so) little voice to speak up and put things plainly in perspective….