the inspired family

i feel very disconnected when i’m out and about all over town… or the valley really.

particularly disconnected, funnily enough, when i’m out and about all by myself.  this was just one of those days where, between yoga, coffee out with yoga friend and errands, I feel a little behind the eight ball on the home front.  laundry mounts.  school gets partially done.  i end up unwound and undone from a fantastic yoga class only to find my brains scattered and rattling about my brain when it comes to the practicalities of the day.  i suppose, in a good, kind of fun, “wow, mum, we have to be at piano in ten minutes, get your shit together” sort of way… i’m paraphrasing by the way.

the role of coffee in my life is beginning to concern me.  it, along with butter tarts and date squares is morphing into a kind of life-line.  most often it’s just my early, squirrelly morning jolt… but lately it’s been a mid-afternoon latte… jerry’s for mocha- go hard on the whip, will ya?!-  in the evening.  i am clearly enjoying some regular caffeination.

a visit from my friendly j.w. lady this afternoon.  i indulge just because… i’m eager to know what drives her to dedicate a life largely to rejection… curious to what’s feeding that degree of faith.  she’s nice company… british, well-travelled, smart and articulate- resembling very little of the j.w’s i’ve encountered in the past- and she never scolds when i haven’t done the required reading.  a little stimulating debate in the afternoon.  what can i say… it’s a small town!

yoga is the highlight today.  shoulders opened .  hips, too.  frog.  variations of tree.  variations of pigeon. savasana.

bank deposit.  homemade butter tart.  a blue dog mocha… with whip.

pizza night… jalapenos, goat cheese, mushrooms, fresh garlic. favourite meal of the week… until tomorrow.

anion pads.  friggin’ heaven in a sanitary pad!

i’m staying this wind-y course… posting this morning as last night was a festive evening of holiday cheer and networking with our little, local business community.  can you spell, f-r-e-e-m-u-n-c-h-i-e-s?!

anywho… a little overwhelmed as i weigh the opportunities crossing my path.

in this strange recessionary world, it seems that exposure has become the new currency.  i’m all about link-y love.  i’m all about increasing traffic.  i get the importance of ‘branding’.  i am all about eyeballs… maybe not here, but certainly elsewhere.  oh, and elsewhere… and to a lesser degree, elsewhere.

it’s a brave, new world… but so very retro, when you consider this devolution, ‘back to the future’… to this, a virtual, barter system.

so, continue to weigh i shall… considering seriously how much work i’m prepared to do for mere eyeballs to support and grow my virtual presence while trying to cover my flesh-and-bones ass and my brick-and mortar mortgage and bills!

so on this morning… following a nice evening out… this (ahem… yesterday):

gerry’s mocha, no question.  thick and frothy with the necessary kick.  oh, and… thick. whipped. cream. ’nuff said!

opportunities, in all their varied shapes, sizes and expectations.  they keep coming, locally and from afar.

baby girl’s look of pure joy, in her tutu and tights- and perfect little shoes- as she flits, leaps and runs in anticipation of ballet class…

that my body speaks.  tells me i need yoga.  i had been listening… just not this week.

brisk walks with me ‘oney!  solid kicks of a tennis ball. ipod… cold play, shakira, talking heads.

a techie hubby that can pull a quick, reliable fix when i crash.

a relaxed school day.

clear sky after days of low cloud. sharp, snowy peaks.

deposits!  internet banking.  the sypathetic gal at the hardware store counter.

boys. chats with boys.  hugs from boys.

health.

equity.

slippers.

my beanie toque.

hot bath. bubbles.

tomato soup. premium plus in whole wheat.

a full tank of gas.

a crazy, supportive husband who believes in me.

a child old enough to babysit.

time to sit alone with gerry’s mocha.  the $4.50 to buy said mocha.

until tomorrow… i mean, tonight.

on the heels of a restless night… reading obama’s book in the wee hours trying to quiet the hebejeebies… i found myself in a pretty good state of mind.  opportunities arise.  they linger a little… and then move on, perhaps not what i thought they were.  keeping in mind the tale of the old farmer and his son and the power in maintaining a “maybe” state of mind.

so today…  i chose mellow.  chose not to worry.  after something of a grey mood of yesterday -apparently annoying to those in any proximity- and fighting off my bogey men in the deep, darkness of last night, this day was a good one.

on many days, like this one, when i choose presence rather than worry, i enjoy the wonder of what might come each day.  seems something always does, in one way or another.

so, today… no snooze.  minimized the junk food- taking a meat and cheese hiatus.  needing yoga, but finding it hard to squeeze in since company.  things are busy in the wake of the holiday. class on thursday which should get me back in the saddle… but that’s thursday.

today:  a client’s exuberance.  the word ‘pickle’.  honey- sesame bars. left-overs. gravy.

freckles benign, requiring merely a dab of acid.  load. off!  my friendly new doctor lady.

junk box of bills, invoices, receipts, statements, etc! filed away and ready to go to accountant- dad!  tying up loose ends.

sigh.  a day with tied loose ends… choosing mellow… choosing presence.  and a client’s exuberance.  a darn good day.

power is in organization… and while i may not be a creature of much structure, when it comes to being organized, i’m pretty durned good.  i love an organized, tidy space.  i’m a big believer in one’s surroundings offering many an insight into the depths of one’s mental, emotional and spiritual health.

that isn’t to say that i’m always organized. heavens no.  in fact, it was only last month that i dug out this little hovel of an office… to everyone’s benefit… as this is now a space that nourishes me.  when i emerge i am- usually!?- at peace.

that is, until i take a quick gander at how the rest of the place has gone to the shitter.

but as of today, and for the forseeable next few days, this house is one of tidy organization… a place for everything and everything in its place.  a process, i must add that i hate more than cleaning itself.  unless i’m willing to shed the stuff… purge… it’s a downright demoralizing endeavor trying to find places for the heaps and piles that grow from every possible surface.  cranky, cranky, cranky.  oh yes.

but that’s done… and as of tomorrow, each of our little rooms in this tiny, cottage house will not only be tidy and for the most part organized, but also lemon scented, shiny and clean.

this day… despite my intermittent tantrums, lectures and, ummmm… threats… is a wonderful one as i move about this space and there are no piles threatening to topple over and smother me.

here’s to a house on the way to being tidy and clean.  a new floor moppy thing-a-ma-jig to entice me in the morning, courtesy of my ever helpful mother, perhaps sensing i was in need of some inspiration in this particular arena….

homemade alfredo sauce… butter, parmesan cheese… it’s what i’m sure must run from the faucets in heaven.

cheques in the mail… receiving, not sending.

fairly consistent summer bookings… deposits are a beautiful thing.

a thickly lip-glossed pucker.  bum warmer in the form of a ball of kittens in my office chair.

ideas.  skills.  partnership.

pressure.  increasing discomfort.  fear.  concepts i’ve historically avoided… now finding them an interesting, exciting component to this game called extending one’s boundaries… encouraging change… and moving toward achievement.

oh, and given the progress made on our tiny little homefront, i can’t close without giving thanks to thanksgiving itself.  without it, i wouldn’t be anticipating company the day after tomorrow… my house would be nowhere near clean and i would be near taking up permanent residence, along with my dog and kittens, in the 8X10 space that is the tidy, tranquil room i call my office.

tidy, clean and organized just feel more like home….

or so it seems some days…

like dear honey pictured here, somedays i find it’s as though i’m actually waiting for something to happen.  not exactly proactive particularly on the heels of a night disturbed by dreams of blatant fiscal irresponsibility… and monkeys.  not exactly a good omen.

but the sense of restless waiting continues and I, like my dear dog, find myself in that waiting place… waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a yes or no or waiting for their hair to grow or… how ’bout just waiting for the ol’ lady to take me for a friggin’ walk!  or in the case of the ol’  lady, waiting for that nice nigerian prince to come through with 3.5 million pounds he promised her in that  email last week!  please, if there’s one thing that drives me crazy is a nigerian prince promising to deposit close to 10 million canadian dollars in my account and then jamming on me.  it’s a matter of integrity after all….

anywhooo… i digress.  dear honey’s waiting did actually pay off today…in a walk in spitting snow with mother nature working her darndest to make us a blizzard.

dogs do joy better than just about anyone.  it’s as though the beast levitates as i take those first promising steps down the stairs off the deck.  for a very sturdy lab-rottie cross, she’s remarkably nimble, the way she writhes with sheer glee in mid-air.  dogs do joy… enviably. i wish to leap while writhing when i’m joyful.  perhaps i might.

today, the simply note- rather than writhe- worthy…

fresh oatmeal cookie(s!) with my kick in the ass this morning.  dozy company at 5:15… the sounds of babar from the darkness beyond my office walls.

conversation with representatives of local developers… and the chance to not only hold my own, but call them out.

my joyful dog… and a neighbour home ’sick’ to share a walk in mother nature’s windy tantrum.

ham sandwich.  warm car and magazines for all, waiting for kids at piano lessons.  old mcdonald had a farm and jolly old saint nick.  a whiff of a first recital!

salt & vinegar chips.  coca-cola.  images ready for clients… ahead of schedule.

inquiries.  usually mean work.

pizza night: fresh chopped garlic, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, onions, mushrooms, goat cheese and a touch of grated parmesan and extra-old cheddar… i laugh in the face of h1n1- heh heh.

the office.  30 rock.  the unofficial beginning of our weekend.  bed, beckoning… and a new book… of negroes.  everyone who’s read it has raved.  sometimes i just love a sure thing.

waiting… while doing.

dr. seuss.

it’s a summer, and soon to be autumn, that has passed for this 2009 and with all of the photos i’ve shot of the kids, not a one that could be considered a contender for this year’s all-important christmas card… until today.  under the promise of  warming up with hot chocolate and treats at our local coffee shop, i was able to drag the brood off to a favourite portrait location in hopes of a suitable kid portrait for the .

one would think that as a professional i’d have a glut of possibilities. not so.  if anything, this gang can be less amenable out of sheer boredom with having a lens in their faces!  in fact, i have more food chewing, nose-picking, just plain bad attitude shots than any parent- even photographer parent- deserves!

but, despite having to be bribed, everybody totally got into it and mission was accomplished, adding to a pretty durned great day…

energetic practice- hot, sweaty, long… head to knees- yeah, ba-byyy!!

vanilla soy latte, hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and checkers.

less breeze, more sun.

fun with ol’ bessy and my minions- doesn’t get much better for a mid-november afternoon.

a happy client from the weekend… and a subsequent happy referral from happy client booked for next weekend- whooot!

time alone with baby girl… tutus… little girl’s size 11 dance slippers.

the big head of a honey beast resting in my lap asking for loves.

a pinch of time to sneak off for parent/teacher interview… with hubby. ahem.

two boys old enough to be trusted to clean the kitchen alone… and slightly fewer bowls used than yesterday- progress?

these wonderful, unusual, november days are striking in their warmth, clear blue and beauty… a typical november would leave us yearning to see the sun after days, if not weeks, socked in under clouds, perpetually hanging on the mountains, low and deep into our fair valley.  maybe even wishing for snow so as to break the grey monotony…

but this week has been a november unlike any in recent memory.  for bessy and i, this spell of unique conditions has inspired a fresh companionship.  as wedding season came to somewhat of a close, it was a partnership tired and a little cranky… now after a couple of weeks rest from one another, we come together replenished, eager.

and more often in these past days, this time with her is simply a meditation.  and without doubt, a gift.

the surreal continues though with a focus on the wonders of each day… it becomes something of a game.  the excitement of ‘what good things will come today?’

and knowing they will.

less, ‘how are we going to make this work’, and more, ‘what will i do today to make this work?‘

and answers come.  learning the difference between passive… and proactive.

a day of:

great coffee- twice! huge, gooey date sqares (half of which i will lust after until i enjoy it with tomorrows great coffee- holllllaaaaa!!)

morning pages.  bessy.  blue sky. the playground.

yoga… a practice renewed.

work… without a doubt, work.  independent, self-employed, creating my own destiny/designing a life kind of work….

we are over two months into this leap of faith into determining our own destiny:  new, unfamiliar, scary… committed to making our living in ways that run true to our values and those things about our life which we deem vitally important… such as homeschooling our three kids, time with family and fulfilling, life and creativity affirming endeavors.

during a recession….

it’s a choice of considerable uncertainty.  some days are bad.  both of us overwhelmed with what we feel we might not actually be able to accomplish.

but more and more, as with this wonder of a day, we’re wrapping our heads and spirits around an attitude of calm.  there seems to be an underlying sense of ‘OK’ taking hold.  a feeling that, despite the bouts of fear and anxiety, we’re on the right path.

i’m guessing this is what ‘faith’ feels like.

today… warm kittens in my warm, warm office first thing in the morning(4:30?!?).  my freshly painted office.

coffee.  my morning cookie.

yoga.  yoga.  yoga!

guiding kids in meditation… even better, kids following guided meditation.  a clean kitchen.  fresh pumpkin muffins.  prime rib burgers.  caesar salad with fresh croutons.  the serenity that is november.

and … i booked another gig for next summer.  a neighbor called to offer a bit of work for now.

i chose a peaceful state of mind today.  chose and embraced.  to everyone’s benefit.

let’s try it again tomorrow, shall we?

i came across some of our images from summer as I perused files for family photobook… and with the clouds hanging low in the valley for the better part of the week… this is where i found my happy place.
space heaters are a remarkable invention… early mornings and yoga are that much easier with a blast of hot air on the tootsies!

kittens love space heaters too… i am the most popular of human companions.

gratitude… or perhaps denial… keeps things joyously afloat as we settle into the uncertainty.  it’s two months embracing the unknown, while moving forward into that which we know… all is- and will continue to be- well.

reminding ourselves this is what it is to design a life rather than just merely live one.

there can sometimes be a little inspiration… a little insight… a little much needed perspective when i take the time to look at the wonders of nature.  take the intensely pink, stringy examples of kokanee salmon, here.

after miles upon miles, bears, cougars, larger fish and who knows what other predators, these tiny little devils find themselves exhausted near the point of death, with only enough left in ‘em to lay their eggs… and then, well… die.

these tiny, bedraggled little things prove to be something of a testament… and they’re even meant to do it… swimming against the current left bereft of strength, energy and, ultimately, life.

swimming upstream is a bitch!

downstream may not always be easy, but it always feels right.  there are still obstacles… but the obstacles seem to provide the necessary challenge i need at the time… i am happier for having overcome them… rather than they’re not having been in the first place.

and while these little devils are motivated entirely by instinct… i have the benefit of freedom of  choice.  and right now, i choose to lay back and enjoy the blissful, relative effortless-ness of the float.