the inspired family

striving.  looking ahead, while working very, very hard to stay right here and now.  last night i was all over monday… meaning, i would have been happy to see the universe jump off its tracks for one short twenty four hour period and move us all to tuesday… until today, that is.  today, monday, where there was nothing miraculous.  nothing earth shattering. it was just a day.

but after taking some stock of our circumstances, the verdict came in as pretty damn good considering, and things are moving in the right direction. on a day like today, a plain old, largely uneventful, monday, it’s something to be able to see the wonderful now.  and even better to know- just effing know- that there’s more wonderful to come.

i suppose on a monday it certainly helps when you get to look forward to baby girl primped, blushed and tutu’d for her first ever dance recital… perfection in a sprig of pink tulle.  edible perfection, i say.

up a half hour earlier than even my usual early.  welcoming kittens.

-20. icy clear skies.  a blue unlike any other.  snowy peaks, honed chisels, reaching for the sky.  cold, clear rocky mountain beauty.

a tiny space heater.  target slippers. coffee(!) and a hunk of fibrous wonder strewn with an occasional chocolately surprise … thank you dr. weil.

yoga in peace and quiet… in a tidy, clean little room, warmed with a little gas fire.  sun salutations. filling my lungs.  emptying my head. sweating.  moving.  lengthening.

a good school morning.  charlotte’s web. bone.

lentil soup.  hand-knit scarves.  striped gloves.  a hard, brisk walk with my beast… a tennis ball as yet unchewed.  connecting in a good, solid kick.  the beast sliding on her arse in bliss and snow after said tennis ball!

a hot bubble bath. entertainment weekly.

little girls, pink and sweet in trails of candy floss, dancing… precariously balancing large plastic snowflakes upon tiny heads.

rotisserie chicken.  fresh tortillas. jalapeno peppers. roma tomatoes. queso.  the stuff of life…

setting goals.  looking forward.  feeling confident.

an early night.

i feel very disconnected when i’m out and about all over town… or the valley really.

particularly disconnected, funnily enough, when i’m out and about all by myself.  this was just one of those days where, between yoga, coffee out with yoga friend and errands, I feel a little behind the eight ball on the home front.  laundry mounts.  school gets partially done.  i end up unwound and undone from a fantastic yoga class only to find my brains scattered and rattling about my brain when it comes to the practicalities of the day.  i suppose, in a good, kind of fun, “wow, mum, we have to be at piano in ten minutes, get your shit together” sort of way… i’m paraphrasing by the way.

the role of coffee in my life is beginning to concern me.  it, along with butter tarts and date squares is morphing into a kind of life-line.  most often it’s just my early, squirrelly morning jolt… but lately it’s been a mid-afternoon latte… jerry’s for mocha- go hard on the whip, will ya?!-  in the evening.  i am clearly enjoying some regular caffeination.

a visit from my friendly j.w. lady this afternoon.  i indulge just because… i’m eager to know what drives her to dedicate a life largely to rejection… curious to what’s feeding that degree of faith.  she’s nice company… british, well-travelled, smart and articulate- resembling very little of the j.w’s i’ve encountered in the past- and she never scolds when i haven’t done the required reading.  a little stimulating debate in the afternoon.  what can i say… it’s a small town!

yoga is the highlight today.  shoulders opened .  hips, too.  frog.  variations of tree.  variations of pigeon. savasana.

bank deposit.  homemade butter tart.  a blue dog mocha… with whip.

pizza night… jalapenos, goat cheese, mushrooms, fresh garlic. favourite meal of the week… until tomorrow.

anion pads.  friggin’ heaven in a sanitary pad!

i’m staying this wind-y course… posting this morning as last night was a festive evening of holiday cheer and networking with our little, local business community.  can you spell, f-r-e-e-m-u-n-c-h-i-e-s?!

anywho… a little overwhelmed as i weigh the opportunities crossing my path.

in this strange recessionary world, it seems that exposure has become the new currency.  i’m all about link-y love.  i’m all about increasing traffic.  i get the importance of ‘branding’.  i am all about eyeballs… maybe not here, but certainly elsewhere.  oh, and elsewhere… and to a lesser degree, elsewhere.

it’s a brave, new world… but so very retro, when you consider this devolution, ‘back to the future’… to this, a virtual, barter system.

so, continue to weigh i shall… considering seriously how much work i’m prepared to do for mere eyeballs to support and grow my virtual presence while trying to cover my flesh-and-bones ass and my brick-and mortar mortgage and bills!

so on this morning… following a nice evening out… this (ahem… yesterday):

gerry’s mocha, no question.  thick and frothy with the necessary kick.  oh, and… thick. whipped. cream. ’nuff said!

opportunities, in all their varied shapes, sizes and expectations.  they keep coming, locally and from afar.

baby girl’s look of pure joy, in her tutu and tights- and perfect little shoes- as she flits, leaps and runs in anticipation of ballet class…

that my body speaks.  tells me i need yoga.  i had been listening… just not this week.

brisk walks with me ‘oney!  solid kicks of a tennis ball. ipod… cold play, shakira, talking heads.

a techie hubby that can pull a quick, reliable fix when i crash.

a relaxed school day.

clear sky after days of low cloud. sharp, snowy peaks.

deposits!  internet banking.  the sypathetic gal at the hardware store counter.

boys. chats with boys.  hugs from boys.

health.

equity.

slippers.

my beanie toque.

hot bath. bubbles.

tomato soup. premium plus in whole wheat.

a full tank of gas.

a crazy, supportive husband who believes in me.

a child old enough to babysit.

time to sit alone with gerry’s mocha.  the $4.50 to buy said mocha.

until tomorrow… i mean, tonight.

or so it seems some days…

like dear honey pictured here, somedays i find it’s as though i’m actually waiting for something to happen.  not exactly proactive particularly on the heels of a night disturbed by dreams of blatant fiscal irresponsibility… and monkeys.  not exactly a good omen.

but the sense of restless waiting continues and I, like my dear dog, find myself in that waiting place… waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a yes or no or waiting for their hair to grow or… how ’bout just waiting for the ol’ lady to take me for a friggin’ walk!  or in the case of the ol’  lady, waiting for that nice nigerian prince to come through with 3.5 million pounds he promised her in that  email last week!  please, if there’s one thing that drives me crazy is a nigerian prince promising to deposit close to 10 million canadian dollars in my account and then jamming on me.  it’s a matter of integrity after all….

anywhooo… i digress.  dear honey’s waiting did actually pay off today…in a walk in spitting snow with mother nature working her darndest to make us a blizzard.

dogs do joy better than just about anyone.  it’s as though the beast levitates as i take those first promising steps down the stairs off the deck.  for a very sturdy lab-rottie cross, she’s remarkably nimble, the way she writhes with sheer glee in mid-air.  dogs do joy… enviably. i wish to leap while writhing when i’m joyful.  perhaps i might.

today, the simply note- rather than writhe- worthy…

fresh oatmeal cookie(s!) with my kick in the ass this morning.  dozy company at 5:15… the sounds of babar from the darkness beyond my office walls.

conversation with representatives of local developers… and the chance to not only hold my own, but call them out.

my joyful dog… and a neighbour home ’sick’ to share a walk in mother nature’s windy tantrum.

ham sandwich.  warm car and magazines for all, waiting for kids at piano lessons.  old mcdonald had a farm and jolly old saint nick.  a whiff of a first recital!

salt & vinegar chips.  coca-cola.  images ready for clients… ahead of schedule.

inquiries.  usually mean work.

pizza night: fresh chopped garlic, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, onions, mushrooms, goat cheese and a touch of grated parmesan and extra-old cheddar… i laugh in the face of h1n1- heh heh.

the office.  30 rock.  the unofficial beginning of our weekend.  bed, beckoning… and a new book… of negroes.  everyone who’s read it has raved.  sometimes i just love a sure thing.

waiting… while doing.

dr. seuss.

it’s a summer, and soon to be autumn, that has passed for this 2009 and with all of the photos i’ve shot of the kids, not a one that could be considered a contender for this year’s all-important christmas card… until today.  under the promise of  warming up with hot chocolate and treats at our local coffee shop, i was able to drag the brood off to a favourite portrait location in hopes of a suitable kid portrait for the .

one would think that as a professional i’d have a glut of possibilities. not so.  if anything, this gang can be less amenable out of sheer boredom with having a lens in their faces!  in fact, i have more food chewing, nose-picking, just plain bad attitude shots than any parent- even photographer parent- deserves!

but, despite having to be bribed, everybody totally got into it and mission was accomplished, adding to a pretty durned great day…

energetic practice- hot, sweaty, long… head to knees- yeah, ba-byyy!!

vanilla soy latte, hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and checkers.

less breeze, more sun.

fun with ol’ bessy and my minions- doesn’t get much better for a mid-november afternoon.

a happy client from the weekend… and a subsequent happy referral from happy client booked for next weekend- whooot!

time alone with baby girl… tutus… little girl’s size 11 dance slippers.

the big head of a honey beast resting in my lap asking for loves.

a pinch of time to sneak off for parent/teacher interview… with hubby. ahem.

two boys old enough to be trusted to clean the kitchen alone… and slightly fewer bowls used than yesterday- progress?

happy for tuesday… mondays can just sometimes suck and it’s hard to squeeze out the gratitude… so i just didn’t try.  tucked boys to bed, curled up the girl child with me and fell asleep with a good book.   yesterday… tired, cranky and getting bearings for a new week.

today, a little more on track.  not really digging the down days and wondering, even though nothing tangible changes from one day to the next, what and where is the shift?  hormones?  sleep?  pizza?  I don’t know, but i’d really love the bouts of empowerment, excitement and joy to stick around a little longer.

but, really, a day like today is just fine.  productive.  pretty positive.  taking time for the kids.

oh, and windy.  i’m not much for wind.  just ask my dog… she’s about had it with my skimping on the walks.  i feel guilty every time i pass her eyes gazing at me with needy expectation from the doggy-bed.

but, be that as it may… this day:

while not one for the record books, a day of mostly :

coffee… oh, heavenly hot orgasm in a cup!  ginger snap(s!). morning quiet.

a solid series of  sun salutations I and II, throwing in a glorious dancing warrior… and then letting that be all for today.  listening.  surrender.  the feeling of my back on the floor in savasana… hard but so very welcome.

a morning of solid schoolwork… with all three kids individually!  little or no drama.  cooperation. organization.  lame attempts at fibs- these kids are painfully- comically- transparent.

images.  words.

daddy taking a much-needed break to ruthlessly dominate the world in risk- you can take the boy out of america….

girl child’s gift for mimicry.  belly laughs!  unicorn puzzles.  match game.

possibilities.

edited to add:  kids love tilapia of all things.  the meditation that is washing dishes.  the gentle lure of my bed, which will host story time in less than one short hour.  so you think you can dance- and I do so, but it’s over two hours away, which in my early bird gets the worm world might as well be midnight.

may come down a little….

or am i simply bi-polar?  the emotional ups and downs offer a better ride than even the circumstances themselves.

relied on an old vice… thank you coca-cola!  enjoyed a new one for today: chicken taquitos… yes, out of a box.  this will teach me to neglect yoga practice in the morning.  missing a good dose of precious endorphins.

anywhoooo… this is about what is, not what isn’t, yes?  and what is- and was- on this a friday… the 13th:

early morning hugs from girl child.  luv, luv, luv fresh early morning kid smell.

i’ve said it before and given it’s only the middle of november it’s pretty likely i’ll mention it many times to come, the itty bitty space heater that warms my office and my heart at 4:30 in the morning.  sirius… and  howard stern- please don’t judge… it’s 4:30 in the morning!

zen shorts, specifically the old farmer and his crazy, clumsy and freakishly blessed son… the word ‘maybe’.

afternoon snooze with girl child.  the happy sounds of boys tearing up the playroom…

that there’s a ‘bi’ in bi-polar… i can’t really imagine spending all my time at either end.

bessy and i work for money tomorrow…

what i “get to do” as opposed to what i “have to do”… it’s a much longer, more fulfilling, list.

weekend, hell-llloooo!

these wonderful, unusual, november days are striking in their warmth, clear blue and beauty… a typical november would leave us yearning to see the sun after days, if not weeks, socked in under clouds, perpetually hanging on the mountains, low and deep into our fair valley.  maybe even wishing for snow so as to break the grey monotony…

but this week has been a november unlike any in recent memory.  for bessy and i, this spell of unique conditions has inspired a fresh companionship.  as wedding season came to somewhat of a close, it was a partnership tired and a little cranky… now after a couple of weeks rest from one another, we come together replenished, eager.

and more often in these past days, this time with her is simply a meditation.  and without doubt, a gift.

the surreal continues though with a focus on the wonders of each day… it becomes something of a game.  the excitement of ‘what good things will come today?’

and knowing they will.

less, ‘how are we going to make this work’, and more, ‘what will i do today to make this work?‘

and answers come.  learning the difference between passive… and proactive.

a day of:

great coffee- twice! huge, gooey date sqares (half of which i will lust after until i enjoy it with tomorrows great coffee- holllllaaaaa!!)

morning pages.  bessy.  blue sky. the playground.

yoga… a practice renewed.

work… without a doubt, work.  independent, self-employed, creating my own destiny/designing a life kind of work….

this late summer blast of crystal clear, hot and delightful weather has been a dream.  the lake has been like glass and begs for the brief disturbance of our wake and laughter!

despite the look on her face, nan does enjoy a good ride.  it was a deliriously beautiful day, where the niggles of work took a back seat to the life sustaining sunshine, fresh cool water and clean air.

today… a saturday.  clear, warm, ripe for the joy of a new union… and i get paid to be a part of it!  freedom, time, ample work, laughter across calm water.

strong coffee, peaceful early mornings, kittens, and the nudge of honey bear’s huge head.

movement. strength. feist, great lake swimmers and the band.

trust.  faith.  knowing….

up until yesterday, this is where i’d spent two and a half days.  alone.  soaking up sun… warmth… and a little much needed perspective.  in amongst the yoga and meditation, that is.  just a whole lotta goodness all ’round.

the weather, couldn’t have been better.

the company- 12 other women- wonderful… when i chose to find my way into it.

the yoga, just what i needed.

the meditation… something i intend to resume yet again… finding valuable space.

coming home… into the arms of my waiting five year old chickadee, who fell apart against my shoulder before i’d even made it up the stairs to the house.  the boys… happy to see me too, but couldn’t quite be bothered to tear themselves away from the computer to say, ‘hello’.  i found ‘em and squeezed ‘em anyhow.

husband… dutifully cleaning the kitchen.  now, there’s a homecoming!

on this sunny wednesday… an early morning after many ummmm, not so much.  good coffee… and oatmeal cookie. work.  a generous and gracious rcmp officer.  an afternoon snooze. the sun. warm, fresh air. meeting up with a friend.  girlfriends.

time alone.

a new, invigorated practice… and an enthusiastic five-year-old girl to share it with.  a reliable, mature ten-year-old.  a seven-year-old reader. cuddly kittens.  anger.  release.  rest.  renewal.