the inspired family

or so it seems some days…

like dear honey pictured here, somedays i find it’s as though i’m actually waiting for something to happen.  not exactly proactive particularly on the heels of a night disturbed by dreams of blatant fiscal irresponsibility… and monkeys.  not exactly a good omen.

but the sense of restless waiting continues and I, like my dear dog, find myself in that waiting place… waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a yes or no or waiting for their hair to grow or… how ’bout just waiting for the ol’ lady to take me for a friggin’ walk!  or in the case of the ol’  lady, waiting for that nice nigerian prince to come through with 3.5 million pounds he promised her in that  email last week!  please, if there’s one thing that drives me crazy is a nigerian prince promising to deposit close to 10 million canadian dollars in my account and then jamming on me.  it’s a matter of integrity after all….

anywhooo… i digress.  dear honey’s waiting did actually pay off today…in a walk in spitting snow with mother nature working her darndest to make us a blizzard.

dogs do joy better than just about anyone.  it’s as though the beast levitates as i take those first promising steps down the stairs off the deck.  for a very sturdy lab-rottie cross, she’s remarkably nimble, the way she writhes with sheer glee in mid-air.  dogs do joy… enviably. i wish to leap while writhing when i’m joyful.  perhaps i might.

today, the simply note- rather than writhe- worthy…

fresh oatmeal cookie(s!) with my kick in the ass this morning.  dozy company at 5:15… the sounds of babar from the darkness beyond my office walls.

conversation with representatives of local developers… and the chance to not only hold my own, but call them out.

my joyful dog… and a neighbour home ’sick’ to share a walk in mother nature’s windy tantrum.

ham sandwich.  warm car and magazines for all, waiting for kids at piano lessons.  old mcdonald had a farm and jolly old saint nick.  a whiff of a first recital!

salt & vinegar chips.  coca-cola.  images ready for clients… ahead of schedule.

inquiries.  usually mean work.

pizza night: fresh chopped garlic, banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, onions, mushrooms, goat cheese and a touch of grated parmesan and extra-old cheddar… i laugh in the face of h1n1- heh heh.

the office.  30 rock.  the unofficial beginning of our weekend.  bed, beckoning… and a new book… of negroes.  everyone who’s read it has raved.  sometimes i just love a sure thing.

waiting… while doing.

dr. seuss.

it’s a summer, and soon to be autumn, that has passed for this 2009 and with all of the photos i’ve shot of the kids, not a one that could be considered a contender for this year’s all-important christmas card… until today.  under the promise of  warming up with hot chocolate and treats at our local coffee shop, i was able to drag the brood off to a favourite portrait location in hopes of a suitable kid portrait for the .

one would think that as a professional i’d have a glut of possibilities. not so.  if anything, this gang can be less amenable out of sheer boredom with having a lens in their faces!  in fact, i have more food chewing, nose-picking, just plain bad attitude shots than any parent- even photographer parent- deserves!

but, despite having to be bribed, everybody totally got into it and mission was accomplished, adding to a pretty durned great day…

energetic practice- hot, sweaty, long… head to knees- yeah, ba-byyy!!

vanilla soy latte, hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and checkers.

less breeze, more sun.

fun with ol’ bessy and my minions- doesn’t get much better for a mid-november afternoon.

a happy client from the weekend… and a subsequent happy referral from happy client booked for next weekend- whooot!

time alone with baby girl… tutus… little girl’s size 11 dance slippers.

the big head of a honey beast resting in my lap asking for loves.

a pinch of time to sneak off for parent/teacher interview… with hubby. ahem.

two boys old enough to be trusted to clean the kitchen alone… and slightly fewer bowls used than yesterday- progress?

happy for tuesday… mondays can just sometimes suck and it’s hard to squeeze out the gratitude… so i just didn’t try.  tucked boys to bed, curled up the girl child with me and fell asleep with a good book.   yesterday… tired, cranky and getting bearings for a new week.

today, a little more on track.  not really digging the down days and wondering, even though nothing tangible changes from one day to the next, what and where is the shift?  hormones?  sleep?  pizza?  I don’t know, but i’d really love the bouts of empowerment, excitement and joy to stick around a little longer.

but, really, a day like today is just fine.  productive.  pretty positive.  taking time for the kids.

oh, and windy.  i’m not much for wind.  just ask my dog… she’s about had it with my skimping on the walks.  i feel guilty every time i pass her eyes gazing at me with needy expectation from the doggy-bed.

but, be that as it may… this day:

while not one for the record books, a day of mostly :

coffee… oh, heavenly hot orgasm in a cup!  ginger snap(s!). morning quiet.

a solid series of  sun salutations I and II, throwing in a glorious dancing warrior… and then letting that be all for today.  listening.  surrender.  the feeling of my back on the floor in savasana… hard but so very welcome.

a morning of solid schoolwork… with all three kids individually!  little or no drama.  cooperation. organization.  lame attempts at fibs- these kids are painfully- comically- transparent.

images.  words.

daddy taking a much-needed break to ruthlessly dominate the world in risk- you can take the boy out of america….

girl child’s gift for mimicry.  belly laughs!  unicorn puzzles.  match game.

possibilities.

edited to add:  kids love tilapia of all things.  the meditation that is washing dishes.  the gentle lure of my bed, which will host story time in less than one short hour.  so you think you can dance- and I do so, but it’s over two hours away, which in my early bird gets the worm world might as well be midnight.

may come down a little….

or am i simply bi-polar?  the emotional ups and downs offer a better ride than even the circumstances themselves.

relied on an old vice… thank you coca-cola!  enjoyed a new one for today: chicken taquitos… yes, out of a box.  this will teach me to neglect yoga practice in the morning.  missing a good dose of precious endorphins.

anywhoooo… this is about what is, not what isn’t, yes?  and what is- and was- on this a friday… the 13th:

early morning hugs from girl child.  luv, luv, luv fresh early morning kid smell.

i’ve said it before and given it’s only the middle of november it’s pretty likely i’ll mention it many times to come, the itty bitty space heater that warms my office and my heart at 4:30 in the morning.  sirius… and  howard stern- please don’t judge… it’s 4:30 in the morning!

zen shorts, specifically the old farmer and his crazy, clumsy and freakishly blessed son… the word ‘maybe’.

afternoon snooze with girl child.  the happy sounds of boys tearing up the playroom…

that there’s a ‘bi’ in bi-polar… i can’t really imagine spending all my time at either end.

bessy and i work for money tomorrow…

what i “get to do” as opposed to what i “have to do”… it’s a much longer, more fulfilling, list.

weekend, hell-llloooo!

these wonderful, unusual, november days are striking in their warmth, clear blue and beauty… a typical november would leave us yearning to see the sun after days, if not weeks, socked in under clouds, perpetually hanging on the mountains, low and deep into our fair valley.  maybe even wishing for snow so as to break the grey monotony…

but this week has been a november unlike any in recent memory.  for bessy and i, this spell of unique conditions has inspired a fresh companionship.  as wedding season came to somewhat of a close, it was a partnership tired and a little cranky… now after a couple of weeks rest from one another, we come together replenished, eager.

and more often in these past days, this time with her is simply a meditation.  and without doubt, a gift.

the surreal continues though with a focus on the wonders of each day… it becomes something of a game.  the excitement of ‘what good things will come today?’

and knowing they will.

less, ‘how are we going to make this work’, and more, ‘what will i do today to make this work?‘

and answers come.  learning the difference between passive… and proactive.

a day of:

great coffee- twice! huge, gooey date sqares (half of which i will lust after until i enjoy it with tomorrows great coffee- holllllaaaaa!!)

morning pages.  bessy.  blue sky. the playground.

yoga… a practice renewed.

work… without a doubt, work.  independent, self-employed, creating my own destiny/designing a life kind of work….

battling fear. working hard to embrace not knowing. working harder to embrace surrender. working to be at peace with uncertainty.  knowing that i ought not be making this so much work!

my renewed enthusiasm for yoga is encouraging. exciting.  invigorating.  affirming.

my renewed enthusiasm for bread… not so much.

this is a navigation.  through vast, unknown waters… and briefly at times, vast, suffocating darkness.

i catch myself wishing there was a way to turn back.  but to where, exactly?  the familiar… in all of its cranky, miserable, stressed out comfort?  that path is so close to overgrown it’s almost impassable.

we’ve taken the leap… the only direction is forward.  wherever that leads us….

oh please… enough debbie downer.  go see tracey… she’s having pie for heaven’s sake!

the babe may be only 10 and a 1/2, but he is full of wisdom beyond his years.  he has informed me that our (his parents) lives are lacking balance… all work and no family time.

as work-at-home parents, we sort of take for granted that family time is all the time, being so available.  not so to those who are really keeping track.

our lives need balance… and he went to the trouble to list those areas falling by the wayside.  game night.  beach.  hikes. SCHOOL.  yoga. baking.

his first suggestion: unplug from screens.

like i said wisdom.

so as i bring today to a close…  a welcome sick day.  cooperative youngsters who know when mummy is in need.  cooperative youngsters who know what mummy needs (popcorn!)…  work caught up.  water.  tacos.  a carpenter friend to offer advice. a husband who knows his way around a kitchen…

and a (not-so) little voice to speak up and put things plainly in perspective….